It enables the embedding of Mix Cloud audio player. They dont want to hear from you. The game is rigged. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. ", 84. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. Set by Bluekai, this cookie stores anonymized data about the users' web usage in an aggregate form to build a profile for targeted advertising. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". Thats all it is. "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. It also helps for marketing automation solution for B2B marketers to track customers through all phases of buying cycle. "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". This Cookie is used by Yahoo to anonymously store data related to user's visits, such as the number of visits, average time spent on the website and what pages have been loaded. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. I think the life cycle is all backwards. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. ", 66. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. That doesnt help them. The challenge is to find it. No president has done right by us. ", 4. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. Nothing changed. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. This cookie is set by the provider Mixcloud. "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. They don't want to hear from you . They should be more vivid. "Some people see the glass half full. He missed this one. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. Learn how your comment data is processed. "Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. "I put a dollar in a change machine. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and not theyre coming for your Social Security money. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. "If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Laugh until you gasp for breath. ", 116. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. ", 57. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. That's the problem. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? "People are fucking nuts. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both f**ked. You think the schools are the way they are by accident? So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. (LogOut/ ", 109. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! ", 75. Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. The Monday night crucifixions! '", 73. AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. I don't like cats. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. "People always tell me 'Have a nice day.' They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. ", 119. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town, the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with "pro-life" rhetoric while simultaneously attacking social . ", 89. This cookie, set by Cloudflare, is used to support Cloudflare Bot Management. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Maybe this time itll work. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. ", 77. On July 26, a 2-minute video created by Pattern Integrity Films was published on YouTube, and it quickly took off via social media. "Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. The GUC cookie is set by Yahoo for Yahoo conversion tracking. of American cultural paradoxes.. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. ", 74. When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. ", 86. I'm your huckleberry. Amen and Awomen. The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) "Governments don't want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? I think. "Dont just teach your children to read. - Doc Holliday. ", 114. They should be more vivid. ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube George speaking the truth. "It's never just a game when you're winning. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. How do school teachers handle this? When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. "I have lots of ideas. Let's start with critical race theory. Am I right? ", 117. I'm a cowboy who . They will do anything for the unborn. Fewer Texans. ", 16. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Thats against their interests. Because you have the illusion of choice. '", 93. Say what you want about America land of the free, home of the brave we got some dumb**s motherf**kers floating around in this country, Carlin says over the images. "One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. 02. They dont care about you at all. "Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. Set aside 30 minutes to watch investigative journalist Whitney Webb speak with MintPress News in the video above. New evidence may suggest they don't and many voters are skeptical, too. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. Vimeo installs this cookie to collect tracking information by setting a unique ID to embed videos to the website. ", 27. It helps in improving the performance. George Carlin Quotes On . Thats right. But this week, his voice has brought to life a new anti-Trump video called America Wake Up, created by a. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. ", 20. You work forty years until youre young enough to enjoy your retirement. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". ", 5. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Everybody says they suck. They want your fuckin retirement money. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin, The planet is fine. No nothing. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. After that, they don't want to know about you. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. ", 64. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. They are irrelevant. They don't fall out of the sky. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. ", 4. This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. Trump did not fall to Earth from. A cat . This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, Religion has actually convinced people that theres an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. "There's a humorous side to every situation. George Carlinwas one of the greatest comedians that ever graced a stage, and his comedy was as poignant and deep as it was hilarious. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. (LogOut/ StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. ""I don't think we should be governing ourselves. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. I'm f**kin' serious! These current events and social issues that are relevant today . This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. You don't. You have no choice. This cookie is set by the BlueConic. These Politicians Don't Care About You At All The failures of people who supposedly represent the people Photo by Marco Oriolesi on Unsplash When people elect leaders in a democracy, the. I mean, life is tough. ", 81. This cookie is used for storing country code selected from country selector. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. ", 83. George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. Everyone Practices Cancel Culture | Opinion, Deplatforming Free Speech is Dangerous | Opinion. This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. This cookie expires after 30 minutes but the timer is reset if the visitor visits a new page on the site before the cookie expires. Try spelling Evian backward. This helps to distinguish between new, returning, and loyal visitors. Yeah, the public sucks. ", 21. When you see the documentary, you'll see this, but the evolution of Carlin wasn't just . If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. RIP George Carlin. They dont give a fuck about you. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. "Never argue with an idiot. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. ", 104. You voted them in. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: Its call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., RIP George Carlin. They will do anything for the unborn. ", 91. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. ", 6. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. Enter your email address to follow Motley News. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. Set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category . This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. ", 111. "It helps to remember this.. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? Thats what the owners count on. This is what we have to offer. G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this week's reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Pattern Integrity Films set the bit to photos and video clips from modern-day America and the result is devastating. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. This cookie is set by Akamai. AdScale sets this cookie to target ads by registering the user's movements across websites. ", 54. The cookie is set by Snapchat to show relevant ads to the users by tracking user behaviour on Snapchat. You don't. You have no choice! They own everything. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? Change). "I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. This cookie is used for implementing audio files on the website. Quantserve sets the mc cookie to anonymously track user behaviour on the website. The table has tilted, folks. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. Which doesn't make any sense at all. AddThis sets this cookie to enable the visitors to share the web pages on social platforms via sharing buttons on the website. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. Full transcript of George Carlin's "Dumb Americans," excerpted from "Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theatre in New York City for HBO. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. "Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice? Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. These days, 'Trajedi. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. The great George Carlin once said in an interview that he divorced himself from concerns and problems from the world. George Carlin. It doesn't matter what side you're on. The uuid2 cookie is set by AppNexus and records information that helps in differentiating between devices and browsers. May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. We're so self-important. You don't. You have no choice. The cookie, set by Krux Digital, registers a unique ID that identifies a returning user's device. ", 31. Twitter sets this cookie to integrate and share features for social media and also store information about how the user uses the website, for tracking and targeting. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! You don't. "Would a fly without wings be called a walk? This country is full of nitwits and assholes. That's about as close as you could get to pegging him as any party affiliation. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites. They don't want to hear from you. They own, and control the corporation. "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. Like the public. The people are f**ked. ", 102. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. This cookie is set by the provider The Guardian. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. ", 62. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? Everybody says they suck. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. ", 35. Deal with it. 'He's two' will do just fine. I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. If a dog can do it, you can watch. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. You have owners. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. 1. You throw out the first three commandments, wssst! The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. That is against their interests. You have owners. AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was. Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. Forget the politicians. Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. George Carlin's 'Wake Up America' bit went viral in July 2020. ", 38. "The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. I took his shoes. A provocative new photo shoot has the trolls losing their minds alongside the likes of Noel Gallagher, Bob Geldof, and Azealia Banks. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. ", 67. They've got you by the balls.
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